“Just tired of the dying and killing, I guess.”
Such a casual remark from such a casual guy. He’s funny, smart, and talented and currently risking his life. He’s one of those special people who have been fighting a nasty war for too long – a war too dirty for many of the rest of us to handle.
If you haven’t, I encourage you to reach out to a soldier you know and let them know of your support and love.
Hope you had a wonderful Christmas season!
(1)
So.
In my experience.
Most people really “like” music.
In my experience
most people hardly really listen to
music
ok, ok.
you can listen. any one can listen.
But do you hear.
You listen. in the car
traffic around you.
cell phone going off.
singing above the music
talking above the music
yelling at the other drivers above the music
then saying: “yeah, this is my favorite song.”
this is my friend katy.
best buds, i tell ya.
she talks to me.
I “listen”.
I sing above her as she tries to speak,
obnoxiously loud as she tries to speak.
I yell at other people while she lowers her voice, and paints with her words
I look down at the phone thats screaming like me and i stare at the screen, the virtual talking to me
I “love” the song she painting for me.
oh you think i’m a jerk….
i’m no real friend to her, you say.
i say: “but i was listening”.
and when she was done I said: “beautiful song. probably my favorite.”
and you say: “so what was it about?”
I don’t know. what was your “favorite song” saying?
(2)
A. put away distractions.
when you listen to music. pretend like it’s a conversation. if we did this, we’d have much more artistic inclinations and much less maintstream pop rocks. you know, they pop and please and then quickly dissolve…
Number two: figure out what it is your hearing
what instruments/objects used to make the sound? girl voices, boy voices, strings, percussion, horn, winds…. if any of the above…how? the way in which it is used is just as important as the fact that it is even used.
B. what range?
some universal characteristics of sound: time and pitch. both are vital to everything in music even a simple melody is defined by time and pitch. paying attention to the range of a piece gives you an instant idea of what the composer wants to say. paying attention to how quickly the pitch moves from one extreme to the other (really low vs. really high) gives you an even better feel.
C. listen to the ENTIRE piece.
turn on a piece and commit, people. you’re adults. pay attention longer than a preschooler.
D. Last but not least: realize it takes practice.
it can be tough to get in to the habit of this kind of intentional listening. but this is why music is made! few if any composer put their works of art together just hoping and praying they can be background music with no recognition or effect on people. no, this is intentional communication so don’t just listen with your eardrums while your brain is half attuned.
“So when you practice this week you need to slow way down, remember that word ‘Largo?’ and make each note staccato, ok?”
“Ok.”
Scribble, scribble, scribble….
“Miss Bethany?”
“Yeah, hon?”
“Is that a wedding ring?”
“(smile) No, it’s not.”
“Oh.”
Scribble, scribble…she doesn’t read yet so the notes help her mom guide practice to a path of progress.
“Well,” she says, “but I bet the boys like you….(smile)”.
Where did that sing-song-y voice come from? I’m not your voice teacher. There are no sing-song-y voices in these lessons…
“Well, I bet they like you too” I said with a laugh and wink.
To which she replied, blushed cheeks and all: “Oh uh…I shouldn’t have said that!”
I’ve recently had a few comments about my purity ring. One person at school asked what it was before he asked me out. These two things, in this order, is quite rare these days, I will tell you. (I didn’t really work out for him out though, so no gossiping about me dating anyone.) Someone in a class mentioned that it was pretty and she liked it. My immediate response: ”Oh, are you a Christian?” Yes, awkward response. But it worked out ok. She understood that few people think it’s “cool” unless they’re a believer so it’s pretty much a dead giveaway, or a subtle way of saying “Hey I believe in that too”.
But why wear it? Grandma Stewart used to ask me if I was pretending I was married (when I was about 16 years old). No, Grandma, I don’t really play house anymore…Of course, back then my reasons for wearing it weren’t really my own. But nowadays I intentionally keep it on, when able to, for a few reasons.
1) It really helps to scare away undesirables. Yeah, go ahead and laugh, people seem to do that when I say this. But it is SO true. If they know right off the bat they have no chance or that I’m “not interesting” it saves time and irritation. It’s a very common occurance to be flirted with…until they ask: “What’s that ring all about?” Then they leave…Thank you, Jesus.
2) It attracts the ones who are worth any time. Alright, every human being is worth giving the time of day to. And I Do Not wear this to “attract” anyone. My point is, if someone sees it, knows what it is, and still pursues, there’s a decent chance he is a decent guy. Capisce?
3) For myself. I’m a bookworm who is fairly addicted to studying and working and classical music lectures and all things boring and generally considered dull (excepting, of course, those occasional moments of screamo metal fanatacism). But I’m not blinded to or uninterested in guys and I’m certainly not indifferent as to whether I ever get a second glance from someone. Second glances are nice to receive (as long as they stop there and don’t continue to 3rd, 4th, 5th and long, drawn out gazes…really, creepy man from the library, turn back to the computer monitor!) Just kidding. The trouble is I sometimes am tempted to ask for second glances. No big deal huh? Every girl dresses to impress, right? So why make myself different? The people who demand modesty from women just want to put rules on you, right? It’s ok to try and catch someone’s eye, it’s got to be ok to gaze at a cute guys face, where’s the sin in that? Questions I’ve dealt with time and again. Questions I fight with a glance at my ring and a consideration of whether or not I would feel like a hypocrite if I wore that ring with that combination of shirt and jeans. My ring helps me remember to be conscientous and enjoy style, not abuse it. And the thing is, these questions that come up are all valid and should be dealt with thoroughly. But I have. Been there, done that and now I can push the questions to their very limit of technicality, dancing on the fine edge of: “How much can I do, how much can I get away with and still be a Christian? How far, where do I have to stop so I can still sleep at night, not feeling bad about myself?” I have news. We’ve already gone to far. I don’t care who you are. There is, or there has been something in you that has done wrong and you have no right to sleep with no pricks on your conscience any night. Brothers, I don’t need a tightrope to walk on to stay away from sin I need an Almighty surgeon to dig out the sin that is already there! As I fight the sin that I loath in my life, the sin that seperates me from my ultimate Fountain of Joy, this ring helps me to keep in mind the only breed of man that I would knit myself to for life and examine myself. It keeps me asking: “I want a man who loves and reflects Christ. Will I be a woman who does the same with my own life? Will I have the grit to strive to be this breed of woman no matter how long it may be until I meet a man such as this?”
This is first and foremost the reason that I continue to wear my ring. It is a kind of inaudible reminder, a checkpoint, keeping me faithful to the kind of woman I want to be for the kind of husband I want to be promised to someday. I first heard about these rings and the ideas behind them because my sister had one. I remember her “turning it in” when she got married and thinking that it was quite an appealing concept. Firstly I thought, what a great way to draw attention to the fact that I’m not like those kinds of girls. Yeah, fast forward to a stage of at least relative maturity and I am simply thankful for the opportunity to be held to a higher standard when I sometimes just don’t want to care. So though turning it in someday for an engagement and wedding ring would certainly leave me ecstatic and thankful to God, I’ll only do so in His perfect plan and until then, treasure the small reminder of the new life I’m called to in Christ .
Not for the beauty of the craftsmanship of words, nor the presence of pretty, bow-tied packaged stories but for the life stories told and the sights of Jesus through the pictures and posts on this site.
Katie took off to Africa when she was younger than I am now. Moving there permanently to evangelize and help the people, especially children of a certain village. Now one year older than I she is the adopted mother to FOURTEEN daughters. God’s use of this young woman constantly makes my mouth spill fourth praises to Him.
Check it out! It just might change your whole day, week or (somewhat) new 2011 year. You can find it to the side of this page, in the blogroll, entitled “the Journey”.
Helen was her name. And dancing is apparently her game.
Ah, she was cute. Seventies, maybe? She told me…”These bones may be old, but I can still SHAKE ‘EM!”
I didn’t quite know how to dance to country music. My whiteness revealed. Which is weird…aren’t book scoot and boogie-ers usually pretty white? Anywho…Helen offered advice. “Just bend your knees and shake your butt, honey.”
Can do, Helen.
Aside from dancing with me behind the dessert counter and keeping a huge laugh in my belly she graced me with the honor of the title “Like a wide mouth bass”.
Well then. I do thank thee…
Apparently that’s a compliment out in these here parts.
So I’ve always had trouble with starting and not finishing certain things in my life. This blog isn’t one of them. Which you may not believe because I haven’t posted in about a half century.
Don’t judge me. I’ve been busy.
Having a blog is certainly fun but not necessarily at the top of my priorities. And though I love writing…it doesn’t earn me college credit or money.
Anywho. I have a few days off! So be prepared. I may be writing.
You just thought you were rid of me.
Muahaha.
Have you ever felt mocked by a simple, white page? Blank, no markings. So quietly clean. Have you ever been jealous, as I find myself tonight, of the pure color of “nothing”.
Tonight as my head and my heart threaten to explode in ugly words all over the walls around me my angst is compounded by the fact that I’m jealous of…paper. Really. One could certainly find something a little more worthy of jealousy, don’t you think.
Oh, to be simply blank and clean, peaceful as it appears to be, for a few hours tonight. I wish my mind was as free and clear as the whiteness seems to be.
A cup brimful of sweet water spills not a drop of bitterness no matter how suddenly or severely it is jolted. -A. Carmichael.
These words are so true aren’t they, reader? They’ve floated in and out of my brain a million times today and the preceding (nearly) 365 days. More so now than ever, such a simple statement brings such a sudden halt to the well-crafted one liners floating in my head. Because when I’m angry I cry. Which causes silence. And while some of you may think that’s a wonderful trade-off, you would think even more so if you knew exactly what I was thinking in those moments. Besides a consistent “Thank you” to Christ for being such a patient comforter in trying moments, I find out that I am painfully witty when my indignation is stirred and boiled. Then the “thank you”‘s turn also into “please forgive”‘s as I suddenly I don’t need a computer or notepad, nor the ability to edit and proofread. Suddenly I am a whiz. A whiz at stinging and rough sided words. Oh, I could tell a few people off at the moment, in a blind moment of anger. And I’m dang sure I could tell them off well.
A few seconds at a time I indulge these ideas and I imagine myself saying things that I hope never come out of my mouth. For when I say them it is as if the Holy Spirit quietly says “No, you don’t want to be that.” And it’s true. I don’t. I don’t want to be like the very thing that has so deeply hurt me. Have you noticed such patterns for you, reader? Have you noticed our human tendency to become in an instant the very monster that offends us so? Therefore, instead of my quickly crafted and, may I say myself, brilliantly formed, cutting remarks may I take this moment to say a few things that may or may not push upon your conscience for the evening in the most tactful way I can currently muster. For sinful anger doesn’t mean that injustice hasn’t occurred. But let us pause here. Tactful is always best…but is it best to express only what I am offended by? Not for everyone. Instead, to benefit (hopefully) all, allow me to tell you exactly what I don’t want to be. Let me show you the monster I will resist morphing into despite the fact that I’ve been bit by several. Allow me to tell you what I’m praying I will never be, do or say or want but what I want to be, do or say instead.
One: I’m hoping and praying to God that He will grant me grace in my life to be a woman who is full of sweetness and an inner strength. A woman that knows when to push forward or pull back. I am praying that He will give me discernment and enough work for my hands to keep me out of trouble (namely gossiping and busybody-ing). I’m hoping and praying that I will never, ever take my opinions of someones character from secondhand information, therefore serving an offense to the person in question, as well as making myself look like a fool.
Two: I pray for all patience and guidance (and healing from hurt) through even the next few hours. I pray for the strength to be and choose to be a woman who shows grace to all, even people who may have offended her, a woman who lives out 1 Corinthians 13 to the best of her ability with everyone in her life. A woman who shows great character amongst many trials.
Three: I pray a prayer of thanks that I was delivered from my tomb walls of a religious and hard heart. May I sing a thousand songs of thanks and joy for the life I now have in and only because of Christ. I pray that I never return to the judgmental mindset I had before Jesus, but grow in discernment from impartation of His wisdom. I pray with fervor that souls around me would be saved because I speak with clarity of the Christ whom the world should glorify and because He enables me to live a life that shows His wonderous joy. I pray that I would never spill a bitter drop and therefore have the quiet assurance that Christ is miraculously making me sweet through and through.
Four: I pray for the blessing of a family of my own someday, and the mission field of whomever I may meet in that life. I pray for the opportunity to perform the hardest job of a wife and mom and then the opportunity to open my home to children who have lost or have never had a mom. I pray that I’ll be a godly, fiercely loving bride. I pray I’ll be a godly, gently strong mother. I pray for the opportunity, no matter where Jesus takes me, to express my love to Him and to proclaim what he has done for me so others may hear and say “I want that.”
Did you know white is really white only because it reflects all colors? So white is really every color imaginable. So I guess, with all these trials and thoughts and prayers and emotions I’m already a white, blank screen. Ironic? No coincidence, I’m sure. He must be getting me ready to paint a new picture.
I pray that this will be relevant to you today and that you will be built up in courage or comfort from this. Please understand this is not a rant, nor a pity-me session on my part. I have tried my best in my current mental state to communicate how I am fighting to maintain a strong and content heart amidst lingering physical, mental and therefore spiritual trials. The past year has been one heck of a ride, my sincere hope is that in my life, my words, my site, Jesus would be shown to be worth anything and everything. My friends, I can tell you that I have found so far-He is.
